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Ltsmashie

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Aug 2 2017, 07:03 AM
The old courthouse in Santa Jose, California, is where the civil cases in the locality are held. If your marriage is coming to a beginning or an end, it is here that you sign your paperwork; if your neighbour scratched your car while turning into his driveway and won’t pay for the damages, it is here where you look for a judge to issue a compensation order in your favour; it is here that if you feel you were wrongfully terminated from your previous employment that you can go in search of justice.


The courthouse is an ornate building, it has Romanesque columns, and a dome covered with a shimmering layer of solid copper, it’s six-foot-deep solid brick masonry superstructure resting on its six foot deep concrete foundation has allowed for this beautiful building to survive numerous earthquakes, yet today, with the continuance of Alix Short’s unfair dismissal hearing, the century hold courthouse was at its breaking point.





For a large building, it’s courtrooms were relatively small, it’s facilities – while first class at one stage, have long seen better days. And on this warm August day, the retrofitted air conditioning system was broken (not an uncommon occurrence) and two of the six toilet cubicles in the building were out of service due to blockages, blockages which have existed for over a week at that stage, thus the hoard of media who had gathered to report on this abnormal case of Human Resources gone awry were fresh out of luck – their complaints fell on deaf ears, and a general mood of discontentment was in the air prior to the recommencement of the case in the hot and stuffy, packed main courtroom in the old courthouse.





Indeed, the only two sets of people who appeared happy in the locality were the owners of the coffee shop across the road who had hiked up their prices by 100% and stuck up a prominent sign in their window which read “toilets are for patrons use only” next to another sign “cash only” and the newly appointed attorney at law who was representing Alix Short – Yohann Shultz, a small-time attorney, not used to media exposure, but clearly enjoying the attention.


It would be remiss of me to not delve deeper into the character of Yohann Shultz. Born on the bad side of town in San Francisco California in the early 1950’s, Mr Shultz was a short, rotund man, with a flowing main of thinning silver hair which sat just above his shoulders.


He wore eye glasses, despite not needing them to read – but would regularly remove them, when looking to make a particularly salient point. He also wore a yarmulke despite not being of the jewish faith, you see, Yohann Shultz was infact born John Short, but in order to avoid paying child welfare payments to his former wife, he changed his name to Yohann Shultz, moved out of San Francisco and set up practice in the neighbouring city of San Jose, California. Specialising in personal injury claims,


Shultz was your prototypical ambulance chaser – regularly visible at motor accidents handing out cards to anybody who was nearby.
Shultz claim to fame was that he once successfully claimed against an ice cream parlour after he got what is commonly known as “brain freeze” having eaten his ice cream too quickly, he claimed that the ice cream served was done so at too cold a temperature and as a result he now had a pathological fear of eating or drinking anything containing the word ice. A complete fabrication of course, but none the less, the judge on that particular day ruled in his favour.


The adjudicator in this case, Harold Zambini, was a man in his early seventies, bald and skinny, he still looked quite fit despite his advancing years, and looked completely unfazed by the gathering of media as he looked to restart the proceedings. Firstly, he apologised to the jam packed courtroom for his tardiness – the bus which he was taking had run late, secondly he told the assembled courtroom that it was his courtroom and thus and misbehaving and they will be asked one time, and only one time, to leave. and finally he set about reviewing the case to date.


“So, here’s where we stand, Ms Short is claiming a case of constructive dismissal against her former employer – The San Jose Sabrekittens – alleging that the working conditions and treatment and behaviour of her superiors led to a position whereby her position of employment was untenable, getting down to brass tacks here, the claimant is alleging that some of her former colleagues engaged in the oldest trade known to man – prostitution, that this was actively encouraged by her former employer, and as a result she could not, in good conscience maintain employment for fear of being tarnished as a lady of ill repute by her family, church members, society and what have you – is this correct?”


“Yes your honour, but in addition, Ms Short is also looking for compensation for the mental anguish which she suffered at the hands of her former employer, and fears that she may not be able to work again”


“Mr Shultz, Do you believe I came down in the last shower?”


“No, your honour, it is quite clear that you did not.”



“Indeed, Mr Shultz, indeed, you see that’s the problem with lawyers today, compensation culture is breaking up the moral fabric of society. Do I for one second believe that Ms Short is now mentally broken for thinking that some of her former colleagues are hookers?!? Not for one second sir – so don’t try and bring that jibber jabber in front of me, preposterous in the extreme.”

The judge now addressed Ms Short directly.

“Ms Short, you will not be receiving a life altering sum of money today, regardless of how I find in this matter, however, that does not mean I do not think you have a case for constructive dismissal, but I strongly suggest you take a look at who you have acting on your behalf.”


And with that, reading the tones of the judge, Shultz was asked to leave immediately by Alix Short, fired after little more than two sentences spoken, he didn’t even put up an objection but walked through the centre of the courtroom, past the assembled journalists and out in the main hallway of the old courthouse, his metaphorical tail located firmly between his legs.


Sitting across from a now lonely Alix Short, was a newly assembled team representing the interests of the San Jose Sabrecat organisation, while on Friday there was just the HR director (expecting nothing more than a standard open and shut case), she was now flanked by two legal heavyweights, a solicitor complete with a rolling case of files and a hotshot New York based attorney, Chris Stately, who would be the only one of the three to speak on behalf of the Sabrecat organisation.
A strange case of affairs indeed for a human resources civil case.


Indeed, the current situation is one which the Sabrecats organisation did a lot to try and avoid, rumours persisted on the twittersphere that some of the big wigs from the organisation met with Short and her now former attorney, Shultz, proposing a hefty out of court settlement so long as she signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement which barred her from talking to any media for life. The thought of which was not even entertained as Shultz quickly batted away their offers with talk of book deals, Oprah appearances and made for TV movie deals.
Given how the day has played out so far, perhaps Ms Short was now regretting not being more forceful with her former attorney in taking a payoff.


Judge Zambini spoke again, “If I’m not mistaken, Mr Stately, you would like to make a representation in defence of the employer at this point?”


“Yes, your honour, the allegations put forth by Ms Short are frivolous and scandalous in the extreme, they represent nothing more than lockerroom gossip and this entire debacle is the most blatant case of self-serving, self-publicising, trivial nonsense which I have ever come across in all my years at the bar.

Your honour, the San Jose Sabrecats and by extension the San Jose Sabrekittens, do nothing but good for this community, they aim to serve it by putting on a good show on and off the football field. The cheerleaders of the Sabrekittens play a pivotal role in this, and I can categorically state as fact, that at no point have they been encouraged by the organisation to whore themselves out for money, information or anything else.

Unfortunately, this is just the case of a young lady who could not keep up with the rigours of professional cheerleading and who after being the butt of some jokes from her peers when they found out that she had quit the team, felt solace in the retribution of labelling them prostitutes and thinking that she could turn a quick buck by taking this here case.

There has been absolutely no evidence presented in this case, it is the word of a disillusioned young girl versus that of a rateable, community based, community-serving organisation.”


“Compelling indeed Mr Stately, Ms Short, given that you are now going to have to make self-representation going forward, do you have anything to say in rebuttal?”


Alix Short stood up meekly, took off her secretary style glasses, something which her former attorney insisted that she wear for the trial, and spoke firmly to the judge, in her sweet, high pitched, Southern Californian accent.

“Judge, there’s a video I can show you if you like…” said Ms Short as she held out her phone.


With that there was commotion in the courtroom, one man jumped over the bench and shouted at Alix Short

“I will give you a hundred grand for that video right now”

He was quickly tackled by a police officer, meanwhile the judge was banging incessantly on his gavel, attempting to regain some order in his courtroom which at this point was in a state of disarray.


“Order, order, that is quite enough” As another thud of his gavel bore down on the wooden bench in front of him, “Ms Short, take your phone and come with me, Mr Stately, come with me too. Your two friends can sit there and relax for a while”


And with that the three of them headed off to the judge’s chambers.





What does the video show? Is it a leading NSFL player? Is it Reg Mackworth or King Bronko?

Tune in next week to find out more...


Graded
Payout=$2,346,000
Aug 1 2017, 02:51 AM
What started off as a seemingly straightforward claim for unfair dismissals by a former member of the San Jose Sabrecats cheerleaders – the sabrekittens – has now implicated the entire cheerleading section of the Sabrecats organisation as well as two of the best known players in the National Simulation Football League.

Alix Short, was the rookie team leader of the San Jose Sabrekittens having previously been involved in the youth program for five years previous to joining the main squad, she resigned from her position with the squad during week 12 of season 1.





In the competitive and highly charged world of professional cheerleading, it is not uncommon for new recruits to struggle with the rigours of this new life. Constant travelling, a high physical workload combined with relatively low levels of pay, led to high levels of burnout amongst newcomers.


Ms Short, however, hast taken the San Jose Sabrecats organisation to court, claiming on Friday that the “extra-curricular” work practices of some of her former colleagues was tantamount to constructive dismissal, claiming that, in good conscience, she was not able to continue in her position with the squad for fear that the actions of others may negatively impact her good and honourable character and reputation.

In shocking revelations in civil court, Ms Short stated that several senior members of the Sabrekittens squad were involved in prostitution as a way to supplement their income, and furthermore and perhaps more worryingly, she stated that all members of the cheer squad were actively encouraged to be involved it would benefit the organisation as a whole.

Referring to the captain of the Sabrekittens Jade LaFave, Short said the following

“Jade would take the bookings, tell the girls when and where to go, and collect the money, sometimes if the guy didn’t pay then one of the trainers from the team would be called to collect on it, there was price lists and everything. Discounts for current football players and everything.
Some of the girls talked about how they were told to ask about calls at the line of scrimmage, what certain things meant and all that sort of thing, but I’m a Christian girl and I just couldn’t have my name associated with anything like that.”


Ms Short said that while she had inklings early on in her career with the squad, with a lot of late night comings and goings to squad members rooms on away trips, it was not until she overheard a conversation on the changing room after practice that she began to ask questions and was then propositioned by the squad captain to be involved.


“She (Jade LaFave) said that it was part of the job, that we were there to serve the organisation, and that it also meant that we got a lot of money on the side.”


Following Ms Short’s bombshell, the session was promptly adjourned by the presiding judge to allow for the Sabrecats defense team to investigate, but within moments, the twittersphere was ablaze with rumours.

Another former NSFL cheerleader, Bridget Case, posted on twitter over the weekend, suggesting that Short’s testimony won’t be news to everyone.



Earlier this morning, the story had found its way to the white house, with President Trump weighing in on the matter.



In more recent news, reports coming out of Glendale, Arizona, today could potentially derail the careers of two members of the Invictus winning Arizona Outlaws.

A since deleted tweet from the Glendale Police department has seemingly implicated the organisation in a coverup of an arrest or arrests relating to one or more of their players last season.



Twitter quickly concluded that the two players seemingly mentioned in the tweet, Outlaws backup Quarterback King Bronko and Running Back Reg Mackworthy were the players to be arrested, with a source speaking on the promise of anonymity telling this reporter that the arrests occurring in the early hours following the week seven matchup between the Arizona Outlaws and the San Jose Sabrecats.


Given Friday’s allegations from Alix Short, many twitter users are suggesting that the two may be linked.

Both Reg Mackworthy and King Bronko are known to be close friends, and would regularly be seen together arm and arm with a bevy of beauties. Indeed, following the release of the NSFL 17 computer game player rankings, it was rumoured that they were overheard to have joked to each other that while they weren’t high on the rankings list in the game, they would be “ranked #1 & #2 in most cheerleaders smashed”

Before the Outlaws regular seasoner opener against the Orange County Otters, King Bronko was questioned about the allegations by reporters on the way into the stadium.

“Mr Bronko, Mr Bronko, do you have any comment to make about the rumours that you, along with Reg Mackworthy, were arrested last year, a fact which was later covered up?”


"I don’t know what you are talking about man, I wasn't arrested at all. I love the Police, I regularly like to hang out with them and maybe on the night in question me and my friends at the station just had a late night hanging out.....While I was handcuffed.....yeah!"



“What about the reports of the Sabrekittens cheerleading squad and the allegation that many of the squad were involved in a prostitution ring? Have you heard of these rumours?"


"Of course I had! We used that to our advantage. I remember one game Reg actually handed them our apartment address in pre-game warmups. And well, that was a good night!"



“So you are saying that the rumours of you being involved with the Sabrekittens is true? Like you quote, unquote “partied” with them”


"Yea man, like we used to party literally all the time. Look, I’m a stud, people line up to get in bed with me. Literally! My apartment got a line outside of it right now, so yeah, them lovely ladies wanted to hang out, so of course I met up with them."


“So you are confirming that you paid them money in exchange for sexual favours?”


"Woah, woah, woah, you got it all wrong, the King don’t need to pay anyone for sex, they’d be paying me! I can categorically state that I’ve never handed over money to any of them ladies. There may have been stacks of cash around my place, and sure I’m always very generous with all of my ladies, but it wasn’t because of my money that they were there."


“One final question…”


At that point, a heavily perspiring PR lady for the Outlaws interrupted the impromptu press session, and escorted King Bronko by the arm into the stadium.


Just as the PR lady and King Bronco had exited stage left, RB sensation Reg Mackworthy got out of his car and made his way into the stadium.


"Reg, Reg, do you have any comment to make about the rumours that you have paid members of the Sabrekittens for sex?"


"I have no comment at this time, however I will admit to banging the entire Yeti cheerleading squad after our championship win last season. Those brauds all wanted to feel what it was like to sleep with a champion so I glady showed them. I definitely have a thing for cheerleaders and especially cheerleaders from other teams, but normally they approach me. Some have even offered ME money to sleep with them. I of course turned the money down despite them insisting on paying for the best night of their life. Mackworthy is all about pleasing people. If he has to please every cheerleader in the league he will, but he's never paid for it, that's for certain."


"But what about the police reports of you being arrested?"


“I said I’ve no comment to make, we got a game to win”


And with that Reg Mackworthy left and made his way into the locker room.


This reporter has reached out to management of the San Jose Sabrecats for a comment on this story, but to date they have not made a comment.


With the court case adjourned until next week, this story is sure to have more legs as the rumour mill continue to spin.

BenLongshaw Esa77 ADwyer87
Jul 17 2017, 07:55 AM
Colorado Yeti's season one, third round pick Luke Tiernan today shocked the NSFL by announcing that he will be playing solely on the defensive side of the ball for the Colorado Yeti in Season 2.

Tiernan was a highly rated power running back out of Notre Dame, but struggled to set the league alight as the Yeti looked to use a running back by committee approach in season one of the NSFL.

Tiernan saw just over 25% of the carries and average a respectable if unspectacular 3.65 yards per carry during the regular season.

It is understood that the Yeti's front office had been shopping around Tiernan's teammate, Scottish running back Kieran O'Connell, with a view to moving towards a timeshare at running back between Bubba Nuck and Tiernan, however this move by Tiernan today put's a stop on any prospective trade involving the Scotsman.

Sources close to the Yeti stated that trades were turned down involving Tiernan, such is their desire to hold on to the Irishman.


Tiernan will no doubt hold on to his moniker as Lietuenant Smash as he looks set to move straight into the MLB spot on the yeti's D, and with Jonathon Saint and Wyatt Fulton joining Tiernan in the Linebacker core, the Yeti look set to have the strongest LB's in the league by quite a stretch.

Tiernan spoke about his rational for the change:
"I'm a team player, I like having the ball in hand, and I like scoring TD's but without doubt my favourite thing to do is run over people, I like the contact, the bone crushing contact and knowing that I've outmuscled my opponent, this move to linebacker is a natural enough one for me.

I feel my tackling technique is strong from my days on the rugby field, and while getting used to reading QB's might take a bit of getting used to, both Wyatt and Jonathon have been helping me out after practice, sharing some of the tips that have helped make them the great players that they are.

I'm certainly looking forward to smashing up some running back's next season, a few in this league need to be taken down a peg or two and I think I'm the man to do it."


The Yeti's Linebacking coach Trent Hithard was next to speak about the change:
"Honestly, I've never seen a player switch to a new position with such ease, Tiernan as an absolute beast, a natural athlete and a consummate professional.
I fully expect that Tiernan will be in the top 10 Linebackers in the league next season, the guy is shocking all of our backroom staff with just how good he is playing the position, he just seems so natural there."


Graded
Jul 5 2017, 10:36 AM
Following on from timeconsumer's previous articles on running backs, I've decided to take it a small step further.

As a running back I'm very keen to find out what is separating the elite RB's in the league from the rest of us.

Wraith's MVP of the season contender, Bubba NUCK, currently leads the rushing charts amassing 1135 yards and six touchdowns along the way.

However, while Nuck is sporting a fabulous 4.5 YPC (yards per carry) average, it is the Orange County Otters duo of Omar Wright and Leroy Jenkins are leading the top of the AVG YPC charts with 4..7 YPC each - amassing 936 and 887 total yards on the year respectively.

In comparison to my team's running backs, these three are out-performing us to a great extent.




At first, it's natural to think that it must be down to the players attributes being better than our guys.

So I took a look at what the guide says are the most important features for RB's

Strength: Medium
Agility: High
Arm:
Intelligence: Medium
Throwing Accuracy:
Tackling:
Speed: High
Hands: Medium


So Agility is given high importance - yet it is two Yeti players who are tied with Omar wright for the top Agility stat (70), with Nuck and Jenkins a decent few points back.



Speed is the second stat that is rated as high level of importance.

Here, we also see that the Yeti's Tweed clocks in in second place with a hugely impressive 81 speed, surpassed by Omar Wright with 85, but ahead of MVP contender Bubba Nuck who has 80 speed,
Note that Leroy Jenkins is a fair distance back on 75 speed/


So after looking at the two "highly important" attributes for RB's we see that while Boss Tweed excels in the attribute sheet of booth, and Leroy Jenkins seemingly comes in towards the bottom of our sample group in respect of these "highly imporatnt" attributes - it is Jenkins who is far outperforming Tweed on gameday.


As a result, the only conclusion one can take is that surely it is all down to the heroes on the offensive line.


I looked at the front five (Two guards, two tackles and the centre) of the respective teams, and for added analysis also threw in a TE & the player I assumed was playing in the FB position. I then averaged out the attributes for these players.
For funsies I included the players pancake stats which timeconsumer looked at previously as an indication of good play.

Please note, that I've only included players who have played all of the games this year - I realise that there have been some pick ups over the last 4 or 5 games, but given that we're looking at season long rushing stats, I felt it best to look at Olinemen who have played in all of the seasons games.





The Orange County Otters are the best rushing team in the league, they run it often and they run it well.

The Wraiths run it less than average amount of time int he league, but when they do, their sole back Bubba Nuck does a great job.

The Yeti, rush often, but look to be struggling in comparison to the other two teams.


So let's take a look at the Otters.

Seemingly, they have converted one of their Tackles and are using him as a guard and it's fair to say that they are beasting it in the type five, pancakes galore!

Next to the Wraiths


We can see that their run blocking and strength of their type five lags behind the Otters, and perhaps unsurprisingly, so does their pancake stat.

Finally, onto the Yeti.

The Yeti are joint top when it comes to their run blcoking stats for the tight five, but we see a significant drop off when their FB and Tight End are included, moving them from first to last in terms of the runblocking attribute.

What's also obvious is that their average strength is far behind both the other teams.


When we collate the facts, we see the following.

Teams sorted by strength


Teams sorted by Runblocking


So there you have it, it appears that a lot of the running back's success is unsurprisingly down to the offensive line performance, but more than that it appears that

1) Strength may be a more important factor than Run blocking
2) it's not just the tight five that matter.
3) The team with the fewest computer generated players in their Oline (Otters) is coming out on top and the team with the most computer players (Yeti) is coming out in last place.

Feel free to tag all of the respective Olinemen in this post.
xdave2456 Jiggly_333 Lainncli PigSnout
Jul 4 2017, 02:43 AM
I'm not sure if this is a runner, but thought it might be fun if the grader of PT's was able to give a few extra TPE (say 5 for example) to the PT article or graphic of the week.

It's very easy to knock up 200 words about whatever the PT is and there is no encouragement to go above and beyond this wordcount.

If there was extra TPE given out to the most entertaining article or graphic, then it might encourage people to put more effort in. Just a thought.

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