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 *Brian Mills' Thoughts 2
PaytonM34
 Posted: Dec 30 2017, 11:42 AM
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"With the 9th overall pick in the DSFL draft, the Tijuana Luchadores select.... Linebacker.... Brian Mills". I sat in my chair for a solid 10 seconds before moving. I finally got up, hugged my family, and got on the phone with the two GM's of the Luchadores. I continued to watch the draft for several rounds to see who else we were going to pick, and who my new teammates were.

A couple days later, I made the trip out to Tijuana, got settled into my new apartment, and met some of the rookies and the coaches. With my eyes set on my first preseason game, I spent the next couple of weeks training, eating, and watching tape of various NSFL and DSFL players from season 4. As the weeks went by, I had taken my contract money, and money I had made from various side jobs, and bought my first pair of professional grade cleats, worth a staggering $3 million. These cleats were the first step in beginning to build my professional career.

Pre-Season

On the night of December 23rd, I had received a package in the mail. On the label, it said "From : PDXBaller ; Congratulations" . I happened to be hanging out with my good friends and fellow rookie teammates Bogdan Wojcik, and Forfeit. When I brought the package inside, I had asked them why PDXBaller , GM of the Portland Pythons, would send me something so close to the first preseason game. When I opened it, there was a letter inside that read "Dear Brian. Congratulations on being drafted by the Tijuana Luchadores. My wife made some home-made brownies for you to enjoy. Hope you have a great season, good luck to you". Underneath the letter was a plate full of thick looking brownies, enough to last someone for the entire month. Immediately, Bogdan, being the largest guy in the room, grabbed a handful and started devouring them.

"Are they good?"

"Man, they are delicious, why did you get a package and nobody else didn't?"

"I don't know... maybe he wants me to get fat and get forced to play D-line or something"

With Bogdan being the test subject, and not immediately vomiting furiously, me and Forfeit decided to try some. Forfeit opted to try the caramel filled brownies. We continued to eat the brownies while watching the Vikings Packers game. At about halftime, Forfeit had mentioned that his stomach was feeling upset, probably from eating three pounds of chocolate brownies. Meanwhile, Bogdan was busy talking to the picture I had of Jimmy Page up on the wall. I tried asking him what he was doing, but I felt like it wasn't as important as sitting on the couch and eating a bag of chips.

The next day, Bogdan was nowhere to be found. I told him that he could crash on my couch for the night. I tried calling Forfeit to ask him how he was feeling, but there was no answer. I started freaking out, thinking that the brownies could have been laced with something. Just as that thought enters my head, my phone rings. "This has to be Forfeit" I thought to myself.

"Hello , Brian Mills? This is John Brown from the DSFL head office. I would like to remind you that you have been selected to partake in the drug test prior to the pre-season. Please meet me at the Luchadores headquarters at 2:00pm today."


December 26th, 2017

I had been extremely bummed out that I failed my first drug test, and was deemed ineligible to play my first 4 pre-season games. The coaches of the Luchadores we're in a panic. Their 9th overall pick Brian Mills was suspended for the pre-season, their kicker Forfeit had been shitting his brains out on the toilet for the past 3 days straight, and Bogdan Wojcik was mysteriously missing from every team meeting we had since the night of the 23rd. There was no doubt, that the brownies sent by the rival GM were not congratulatory brownies. They were sabotage brownies.


Luchadores vs Coyotes
8:30PM

The assistant coach for the Luchadores yells out to the head coach, "SIR! I FOUND BOGDAN!"

"Where?!?" , the head coach yells back...

"Sir.... playing for the other team..."


Bogdan was still tripping so hard from the hallucinogens laced inside the brownies, that he had no idea what team he was supposed to be playing for, and stayed with the Coyotes until the end of the pre-season. Forfeit meanwhile, had not left his bathroom since the night of the 23rd, and was administered an IV when paramedics found him. And as for Brian Mills, he had his own reputation to recover from, as fans were outraged that their 3rd round pick had already failed a drug test 2 weeks after the draft.

December 30th

Once all three players were healthy again, they got together at the team headquarters and explained to the GM what had happened. The GM laughed it off, telling us that it was a rookie mistake to accept brownies from another team's GM, and that obviously the intentions were to throw us off of our game. "There must have been 5-10 different kinds of narcotics laced in those brownies" . After the meeting with the GM, we headed to the film room. We decided that in order to get back on track and be ready for the regular season just around the corner, we needed to study the film of the four teams that the Luchadores had played in the pre-season. We watched the game film, making critiques of the game as if we were the ones playing in it. We needed to put the pre-season struggles behind us and look forward to the regular season.

"Want to watch Bogdan run around like a complete maniac thinking hes defending the president on air force one again?"

"Guys do we really have to?"

"Hey man, we all ate the brownies, there's no shame in it.... Hit the play button"

1,004 words

READY FOR GRADING

PDXBaller
Squamish
KimJungBigDong


GRADED

This post has been edited by bovovovo: Jan 3 2018, 07:04 AM

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DeathOnReddit
 Posted: Dec 30 2017, 12:35 PM
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iamslm22 Can we please ban PDXBaller for the rest of his life

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PDXBaller
 Posted: Dec 30 2017, 01:33 PM
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Weed is legal here in Oregon... //files.jcink.net/html/emoticons/wink.gif

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PaytonM34
 Posted: Dec 30 2017, 01:58 PM
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QUOTE (PDXBaller @ Dec 30 2017, 08:33 PM)
Weed is legal here in Oregon... //files.jcink.net/html/emoticons/wink.gif


It's the perfect crime http://i5.ifrm.com/14976/177/emo/worthy.gif

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Squamish
 Posted: Dec 30 2017, 03:27 PM
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I was so high I ran all the way from Tijuana to KC, didn't even take a car. Problem is I left all my stuff on the other side - passport, ID, money.

Don't regret it though, brownies are my favorite

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PaytonM34
 Posted: Dec 30 2017, 03:31 PM
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QUOTE (Squamish @ Dec 30 2017, 10:27 PM)
I was so high I ran all the way from Tijuana to KC, didn't even take a car. Problem is I left all my stuff on the other side - passport, ID, money.

Don't regret it though, brownies are my favorite


You hear that updaters? Give this man 100 speed and 100 endurance

This post has been edited by PaytonM34: Dec 30 2017, 03:32 PM

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Squamish
 Posted: Dec 30 2017, 04:50 PM
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QUOTE (PaytonM34 @ Dec 30 2017, 05:31 PM)


You hear that updaters? Give this man 100 speed and 100 endurance

(thing is, it's almost a reference to real life me - I've run a 50k and 7 marathons. The username Squamish is a race I want to eventually do, it's a 50m and 50k on back to back days in the woods just east of Vancouver)

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PaytonM34
 Posted: Dec 30 2017, 05:11 PM
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QUOTE (Squamish @ Dec 30 2017, 11:50 PM)

(thing is, it's almost a reference to real life me - I've run a 50k and 7 marathons. The username Squamish is a race I want to eventually do, it's a 50m and 50k on back to back days in the woods just east of Vancouver)


Give this man 200 speed and 200 endurance

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